Category : Humor

LOL!

Daughter had a mouse on her dresser last night.  She keeps a night light on.  Noise woke her…mouse was on other side of a “water ball” thingy she has.  Was looking at her through it…water ball MAGNIFIES!  “2 HUGE…..GIANT EYES…I mean HUGE! STARING AT ME!  SCARED THE HELL OUTTA ME!!”.  Ran off..a BABY  Mouse !  (:   re

(WS)

A CATHOLIC HEART ATTACK

Now THIS is worth SHARING!  ( :   re

 

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open
heart bypass surgery. He awakened
from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at
a Catholic Hospital . As he was
recovering, a nun began asking him questions regarding how
he was going to pay for his treatment.

She asked, ‘Do you have health insurance?’

He replied in a raspy voice, ‘No health
insurance..’

The nun asked, ‘Do you have money in the
bank?’

He replied, ‘No money in the bank.’

The nun asked, ‘Do you have a relative who could
help
you?’

He said, ‘I only have a spinster sister, who is a
nun.’

The nun became agitated and announced loudly,
‘Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to
God.’

The patient replied, ‘Send the bill to
my brother-in-law.’

Alms ($) have I none, but that that I HAVE, I give onto you.”

READ THE “WORD” as a CHILD READS A “Fairy Tale” STORY.    As a CHILD that IMAGINES “BEING THERE.”
It is so REAL to them!  It’s FUN to read/hear!
READ IT AS THEM.   The CHILD-LIKE Mind!

It is Good to ANALYZE (an ADULT TRAIT) and needed…..yet read TOO as a LOVE-“ALYST.”  Do Not let one Or the other “rule” over the other.  USE YOUR ADULT MIND to remain SAFE but your CHILD MIND to be FREE!  In this way you will be BOTH FREE…A  N  D SAFE.

It is here you will find JOY.

Aho?   GB    re

(WS)

Anyone here ever get to an ocean beach?
If so, one that has BELL KELP washed ashore?

For those that don’t know this kelp, it has a big “ball” on one end, the stem goes to a “point” at the other.

It’s edible, but that’s not why I’m writing this.  IT MAKES AN EXCELLENT “Deep FOG HORN” SOUND!

Small ones higher pitched.  The bigger the deeper.

All are “3-pitched.”  The more you blow (harder) into it, it changes the tone.  Aho?

To make, all you need is a knife:
Cut the “ball” half off (leaving a “horn” “mouth”).
Go to the small end and start cutting that end towards “horn” end.  SMALL sections at a time…’til you hit HOLLOW within.  Now, at that hollow inner,  begin getting it bigger ’til that hollow can fit your pursed-up lips, then Leave it there (like blowing on a Trumpet).

ALL SET.  BLOW!

The sound will amaze you.

Once, my brother and I were out in a small aluminum boat in Puget Sound.  In the SHIPPING channel.  BIG Ships passing by.  Our little 14-footer just a piece of flotsam to those guys.  Aho?

Well, FOG SET IN.  My brother Jim looked for his bottle Air Horn (Carried for just this type of situation).  HADN’T BROUGHT IT!
He was Worried (rightfully so).
We were trolling for salmon and now “Fog Locked”. Could take 2-4 hours for the fog to lift.
As we were trolling I had noticed riptides here and there.  MOST CARRIED THIS BELL KELP.
I told Jim, “Watch for rips, Jim, and cruise along it, I’ll show you something.  Nature provides If you “know.”  Wasn’t long before I had a kelp aboard.

Jim was perplexed.  “WHY?”

“You’ll see in a minute,” I told him.

Knife in hand and about 6 minutes later I was done.  Raised the “Horn” end and blew into the other.  YOU’D HAVE THOUGHT WE WERE A BATTLE WAGON!  DEEP and LOUD!

No ship problem.  Never got any salmon but DID make it safely through the fog.

I was at a Family Reunion, walking the beach with M and C and M’s dad.  Walked to the shoreline, and got a “horn.”  Cut it and began blowing it “3-pitch.”  Beach had MANY strollers.  All turned to see.

Father-in-law intrigued…wife and daughter too….so I got them one.  Different lengths.  All 4 of us now a “musical band” as we walked.
2 men approached.  Asked “HOW DO YOU DO THAT?”   Showed ’em and they got their own and whittled away.  Me “supervising.”
Turns out they were both Horn Blowers from a Big City California orchestra….out on vacation.  They got to wondering… WHITTLED FINGER HOLES ON THE STEAM, and LO!  Had “REAL” Horns!  One TUBA and one TROMBONE!  Man, could THEY PLAY!  FanTASTIC!

So, any ever get to the beach…………………………

Enjoy.    GB   re
(Next to GOD, KNOWLEDGE IS KING).  Ho

(WS)

As many know, the whites have used a number of things we NA used for healing, etc.  Band-aids and surgery staples and aspirin being but a few.
ARE you aware of what actually brought the whiteman’s way into the frozen North?  What caused the Inuits’ speeding into “white ways?”

Most think guns, liquor.  NO!  Was guns and ELECTRICITY!

This telling is how it all came about up there :

“SIDEWHEEL SALLY”

For an Eskimo she was a “looker.”  Her name and parents’ name long forgotten, even by “The People.”
She was born after the Russians came (guns).  They, tho, on the coast…she, well inland.

It’s told her parents had perished when she was not far into her teen years.
Left alone, she had to do what she could to survive.  This led her into the life of a “Snowshoe Rabbit  (Prostitute).”

Over time, she worked her way to the coastal area and ended up at Seward.
Here she first saw whiteman’s electricity.  Unflickering Bright Lights that were on the stern and sidewheelers of the period.  Sailing vessels carried no electric.  Whites were just coming during this time…seeking gold.

These bright, smokeless lights came to be such an attraction to her that one night she snuck aboard a soon to part Sidewheel steamer.  A stowaway.  Aho?

Well, in time, she was found out.  The crew kept mum, so the officers knew nothing about her.
For crew and her it was a “handy agreement”.  “Bed” fed.  Aho?
During this time she learned about the lights and what was involved to “make them go” (Generator).

She was DETERMINED to bring this back to her People.

When docked in Seattle she searched for a small generator…Even “worked” (by sidewheeler) her way to San Francisco, looking.
She WAS good-looking and crews gladly payed well for her “services.”
With her goal in mind, she saved.

It’s told she only had to make 3 trips to have enough….and she found a small generator somewhere in California.  This she promptly shipped up with her to Seward.

In all her travels she observed the ship’s running lights.  She, an Eskimo, (who are known for OBSERVATION) noted there were 2 lights on the mast while at sea.  One Green.  One Red.  She noted it was the Red one that was the one that stood out in fog and snow, etc.  With that knowledge she bought, too, a Red “Globe”.  This also came with her…as well as all needed to hook the Electricity to the bulb/globe cover.

When landed in Seward she sought out several like-minded “girls.”  32 or 34 it’s told.

Knowing no trees existed in her deep snowland, she had 3 30 ft. poles cut….bought a team of dogs, made a travois of 3 poles, hooked that to her team, and loaded all the things needed on it.  Then the crew headed out.  They “worked” their way to her people.

Once there, many men traded both hides and labor.  Over time the BIGGEST IGLOO was made.  A GIANT (none before this, or after, that large, has been made).
Word is it was “more then 90 ft in diameter”  and had  MANY ‘Bed Ledges’.

This close to the Bering Sea between a number of distant villages.

The whites, by then, were making their way up.  The locals, too, where often out, alone, hunting (Prudhoe Bay area, I think).

She had her 3 poles erected as a tripod with the “LOOK FOR THE RED LIGHT” Light atop.

It cut through blizzards and mists like a sword.  Drawing many men to it.  Aho?

Well, her profession introduced Electricity to the Eskimos.  In time lighting the villages of today.  Helping to bring the Inuit into “civilization” (and, sadly to me, their downfall).

Originally, Whale Oil was used to run the generators….but eventually diesel fuel was shipped in. As it is so even now.  Aho?

Well, Sidewheel Sally got rich…and eventually the Whorehouse melted into oblivion….It’s said, “By all the “activity” within”.  Aho?

So, there you have it.  Not Guns and Liquor, but Guns and ELECTRICITY!

(As an aside, once again whiteman has “stolen” from the Indians.  DUPLICATING her Tower and Red Light.

YOU see these, in “modern form”, today, all across the world :  CELL Towers, Airport Towers, etc..  Aho?

(Well, that’s what I’VE been told)      ( :

Ho.   re

(WS)

Got to thinking:  Some may be saying “If all is your mind creation…why are you in such a mess?”

( :    Shows you the state of mind you’re in!

Literally, our God, via your nagual, SHOWING what Fears, Etc. you have need to lay at His feet and let go of.

Sooo, Praise The Lord in ALL things.  (Reason for all).  Ho   re

(WS)

Something to consider:    LISTEN when something is Told.  LISTEN to what/how YOU Say.

Once a number of us were sitting around, sharing, when one said to all:  “What’s in Most of nature that you know that that has the BEST EYESIGHT?”    Eagles and owls (Day/Night), were their answers.

Then they looked at me.  “Flies.”

“WHAT!  Flies?”

“Yes, multifaceted eyes. Fast.  Ever try to swat one?  They ZOOM!  Flies.”

Asker:  “Well, I meant of the Birds……..”

“I have given the answer to the way your question was asked.  CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY!”

“You all here did NOT hear the QUESTION!  LISTEN.  Don’t just ASSUME.  These two are a Big Problem with people.  They Hear ONLY what they WANT To Hear, and act on that assumption.

LISTEN FIRST.   Ask CORRECTLY FIRST.  Then you’ll not get a Wrong Question or give a Wrong answer.  Aho?

LISTEN!  Even when YOU are speaking.  Aho?”

(I am in your shoes…but trying to follow my own advice.)

GB    re

(WS)